How to get in the Friendship Mindset and Attract Your Tribe

Mommy’s Modern Guide to Adult Friendships- How to get in the Friendship Mindset and Attract Your Tribe

By Celenise Mahmood, CWC

 

I just had my second little one, completing our family of four and making me a momma of 2 under 2. My life for the next 5 years was full of ups and downs that come along with becoming a caregiver. One by one the friendships I had held on to pre mom life were dwindling away. People grow apart when common interests no longer exist and needs aren't met. I couldn’t at the drop of a dime get ready and meet up for a social outing. My life was different and I had trouble accepting that. I had abandoned the thought of having friends. After all, I had my two little broke best friends anyway! However, completely consumed by the stresses of this stage of my life and neglecting my social wellbeing I suffered from burnout. The studies are everywhere, healthy friendships are an important aspect of wellness, but easier said than done as a caregiver. This is my Mommy’s Modern Guide to Adult Friendships- How to get in the Friendship Mindset and Attract Your Tribe. This guide will provide practical strategies and tips on how to make meaningful and fulfilling friendships as an adult to improve your wellness. 

Building your Friendship Mindset

Focus on the controllables. A huge part of living a successful life in all aspects whether it be friendship, wellness, career, etc. is to focus on the controllable. Focusing on uncontrollable situations deters you from viewing the scenario with clarity. For example, I was hyper focused on wanting my old life back that I didn’t allow myself the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of the life I have. I was in a negative mindset. I had to first and foremost accept myself and the situation I was in. That choice to focus on the controllable aspects of my life allowed me to discover who I was. 

Self-acceptance is irreplaceable. Learning to be content with my own company allowed me to accept myself and to also discover my interests. I, like many caregivers, can attest we lose our sense of selves when we are caring for others. After all, you pour yourself 24/7 to make sure every single need of another human being(s) is met. It is no easy feat. Start by spending a few minutes a day practicing gratitude. Get to know yourself again by completing the following prompts in a journal:

I am proud of..

I was happy when… 

My friends like that I am… 

Something that makes me unique is… 

I am good at…

Let go of the negative and embrace the positive. It is only natural to cling to the negative emotions that you may feel in regards to friendship. Our bodies reward us by releasing the feel good hormone dopamine when we think negatively. However, negative emotions are a risk factor for physical and psychological disease. Long periods of sadness, fear, and anger have been associated with illnesses such as depression, generalized anxiety, heart disease, and neurological diseases. The silverlining people who have meaningful friendships and practice social wellness live longer, disease free lives. 

Attract Your Tribe

Go outside. It sounds obvious but so many of my coaching clients hadn’t realized how little they leave the house prior to our sessions. Especially for those of us that work remote roles, why leave the house right? Wrong! We are not only missing out on the many benefits of being outside like a lift in positive spirit and vitamin D, but you can’t meet anyone if you don’t venture away from your home and your screen. Even if you don’t meet anyone while outside you are bonding with nature. Try spending a few moments practicing your breathing while outside. Taking deep breaths while holding for a few seconds and slowly releasing. Repeat as much or as little as you like. Connecting with nature strengthens your bond to the universe allowing your inner most desires to be heard. 

Leverage social media. While there will always be mixed feelings about social media being a viable tool to meet people due to catfishing and bot scams, there are real people and there is real potential to build your own community. For the past 3 years I have expanded my network on social media by following pages that promote local events within my areas of interest. For example, as a business owner I follow my local chamber of commerce page to stay in the know on in person networking events and programming. Through social media I’ve come across some excellent events in my area that connected me with real people whom I align with and have true genuine friendships with. 

Get involved in your local community. Volunteering for a cause close to heart is a great way to meet people with that same common passion. There are no cons to volunteering, only major benefits. Including the opportunity to help your community, potential to build meaningful relationships, and acts of service are beneficial to your wellness-it feels good to do good. Joyful people attract positive people, good energy and good fortune. 

Despite the responsibilities of caregiving it is important to support your social wellness to avoid burnout. To be able to continue to give so self-lessly to care for your loved one you must not neglect your own health. I truly hope this guide has provided you with practical strategies and tips to building meaningful and fulfilling friendships to benefit your overall well being.